Morning After

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Cosmo's guide for decoding secret signals OR; Common sense & you

The geniuses at Cosmo want to help you decode your man's "body language." For example, did you know an OK sign means OK? Or that flipping the bird means eff off? Do you know how to say "I Love You" in sign language & do you know what "I love you" means? Thank God we have Cosmo to clarify these things for us.

Wednesday Basil Day

Last year Basil was Jim from The Office for Halloween. What will she be this year?

Sex & The Citifield

"We resent forward gals!"

WEDNESDAY BASIL DAY

That's a whole lotta panties for one little pussy!

Wednesday Basil Day

From now on, Wednesdays are Basil Day at Cosmopolis. The logic for this is simple; Cute cat? Why not?

Enjoy.

Ghost Face

We did the Marie Claire Virtual Celebrity Makeover, which, honestly, is pretty fun. There's cosmetic surgery, plus they make your face the shape of whatever celebrity's hair you pick. It kind of defeats the purpose of a virtual makeover, but can lead to interesting ghost face effects.

Sexism & The City

Also, women don't poo! Duh!

Cosmo, Not.

Get it? Like cosmonaut.

Cosmo's Eight Tips For Feeling Closer After Sex,

because intercourse usually has a distancing effect on a relationship.

"1. If you’re hungry, forgo ordering a pizza and instead break out red wine and cheese." Sometimes, I think Cosmo thinks I'm dating Christopher Walken in the Continental SNL sketch. That was an obscure reference, but I stand by it.

"2. Upgrade your usual postsex shower by giving each other neck rubs." I'm getting pretty sick of everybody shoving the "couple's shower" down my throat, and making me feel guilty for wanting twenty minutes by myself to lip synch, perform dramatic monologues of What I Should Have Said To That Guy On The Subway, and pee in peace and solitude.

"3. Before you get busy, turn off anything with an on button, like your cell phones, laptops, and TV. That way, the only thing you’ll be plugged into afterward is each other, not your Facebook news feed or DVR queue." Do I also break my thumbs? Otherwise, what keeps me from turning it back on? For the most part, I have power buttons under control.

"4. Instead of rolling over once the action is done, drape one of your legs over his and rest your hands on his chest. It will keep you connected without doing the spooning thing." Thanks for the idea, but I've been successfully snuggling for years now. It's not really that hard to figure out.

"5. One word: candles." Because what's more romantic than dying in your sleep together in the blazing inferno that was once your bedroom?

"6. Play hooky and call in sex—er, sick after your romp." I know this is nit picky, but I'm pretty confused about the bolding situation. Why not the last three words? Longer phrases have been bolded. Maybe they knew I'd be doing this, and they're trying to make it harder for me on purpose. I don't want to have to cut and paste the whole tip. I don't even want to have to read the whole tip.

"7. Set your iPod to a romantic playlist." Mood music? You're blowing my mind. But the bigger question is how my iPod works after I've turned the power off.

"8. Reverse-strip each other. Slowly button his shirt, and let him zip up your skirt. Dressing each other is super intimate since it taps in to the primal instinct to “preen” your mate." I copied this whole tip on purpose, because I don't think I've ever seen the phrase "preen your mate" in reference to humans.

I found ten bucks in my pocket while writing this. Does that make me a freelance journalist? Probably not, but I'm putting it on my resume anyway.

Cosmo Illogical

A few weeks ago Char & I were hanging out in her apartment in Bushwick reading gossip & beauty magazines her roommate returned with from a long plane ride back from Los Angeles. One article promised to answer any question you had about love or sex in one sentence or less. "If he leaves before morning, is it a booty call?" "Yes" "How long should we date before moving in together?" "One year" Question after question Cosmo offered unequivocal answers to equivocal situations.

We began to wonder what would happen if we took Cosmo's one size fits all approach to dating; would we fail completely, like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole? Or perhaps, would our masks become our faces, & by acting like a Cosmo girl, would we truly become one? Still yet, might Cosmo have an omniscient wisdom we couldn't yet comprehend & the whole ordeal vastly improve our lives?

Whatever the outcome, we began to feel that looking for the answer, if not the answer itself, would reveal a lot about women, contemporary society, and ourselves. Char & myself have decided to make a documentary following our attempts to live by the bible of Cosmo. Char will be following the advice for women in relationships, while I will be getting my hands up for all us single ladies. In the meantime you can keep up with our progress, our preliminary experiments, & our (probably rambling) daily thoughts on this website & our twitter http://twitter.com/cosmopolisfilm.